sepatutnya dan kalaulah

bye-bye trip to Bandung and Jakarta.
Kalau nak ikut dasar hati.. tarik tarik kaki nak mintak izin pergi.
Kalau nak ikut dasar hati.. boleh je aku nak pergi diam-diam
Meraung gak ah dalam hati nak pergi. honestly.
Tiket dah ada, passport dah ada..
Satu je takda.. benda tu lah.
Hmmmm..

Sape la bodoh sangat yang suka-suka tak nak pergi.
Jahat-jahat aku duk melawan pun, kalau dah cakap tak boleh pergi, tak boleh.

Pergi tak pergi.. macam big deal huh?
Yes it is. Bukan lain kali tak boleh pergi. Boleh sangat-sangat. Nak yang free pun boleh. Yang buat tak senang bontotnye sebab ada HOPE PELUANG dari awal. Kalau awal-awal aku tak plan semua ni, tak beli tiket, tak join..aku sikit habuk pun tak kisah weh.
Sedih sebab awal2 tu salah satu yang plan trip ni, AKU.
dan yang ni adalah trip bersama kawan-kawan dan duit pun duit aku sendiri simpan.

TAPI..
I learn something these few days ni. Hari-hari yang sepatutnya aku kat Bandung sekarang ni adalah hari yang paling dekat dengan family.
Malam sepatutnya aku berlepas tu, aku dengan atuk dan nenek aku. Atuk aku baru keluar dari ICU, malam tu aku tidur sebelah nenek.
Masa-masa shopping, sekarang jadi masa aku shopping dengan family, semalam ke Kuala Terengganu, hari ni di Kota Bharu, esok di Kuala Terengganu balik. Something yang orang lain tak nampak, tak boleh nak cerita dengan megah, tapi aku appreciate every precious time dengan mereka-mereka.
Dan kalau aku pergi trip ni jugak, i'll missed both abah & acik birthday. Jugak birthday celebration dekat Pizza Hut tadi. Small, but meaningful.

*smile*

Kau boleh cakap 'SEPATUTNYA' dan 'KALAU' ayat-ayat orang kesal. Memang aku kesal. Looking foward, aku tahu ada something behind this;

I have family.




BIG smile. =)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ACIK.
I LOVE YOU.

short update

glad to be home. =)
tomorrow is Enche H's birthday
any ideas?

quote of the day #1

"You paid thousand and 3 hundreds for this class but you are more concern on 0.5 sen sms?" - Control System lecturer.

condolence

when your ignorance sent a man to his deathbed...

shame on u.




*al-fatihah kepada keluarga arwah.

buat yang tiadanama

kalau hati itu bukan sekeping
seluruh jiwa ku kasi kan
ku bagi hingga tinggal cebis
lalu hilang kosong punah ranap
segala rasa

biar pedih itu tidak menjenguk
jadi kaku kebal
kental pejal
sebab orang semua boleh bilang
jadi mulut tempayan usang
bunyi bohong
bising mengomong

cuma
risau
kalau kalau kau masih ada
berbayang dibelakang
bila hilang kosong punah ranap
segala rasa
apa yang aku perlu letakkan?
saat itu aku miskin

menompang kasih
kalau masih ada
mata hati jiwa
yang mahu
menjenguk lohong
kosong ruang dada

null

i realized;
i watched us in the mirror of the past. untouchable with deep feeling inside.
i started to feel a void in my routine.


forsaken and forlorn

sigh

it should be our 3 years and 6 months anniversary.




*i'm sorry and i'm actually missing you.
nobody would understand what was going on between us. they talk and know nothing.

beginner

Another new sport. WALL CLIMBING

a beginner. first time experience.

Petang semalam dalam pukul 5.00pm gerak pergi Putrajaya Challenge Park, Persint 20. Ondaway tu nampak Pak Lah, dekat kubur someone. Bersama escorts nya takde kaitan dengan entri. Sampai-sampai, ex-classmates dah sampai awal 2 jam dari kami.

First time kot. Mula-mula nak panjat tu gigil, gayat & nervous nak mampus. Padahal beginner's wall je. Nasib baik Nor-the hustler jadi instructor. First time sampai kat atas sekali tu perasaan dia, macam baru je daki gunung everest. Ceh hiperbola dah hiper excited! Lepas tu jadi macam nak naik lagi dan lagi walaupun kaki, tangan calar balar dan luka. Balik baru rasa sakit. Cuma bila wall yang mencabar tu memang tak mampu lagi ah. Tangan aku dah la memang semulajadi tak kuat.

gambar tak senonoh

feeling puncak everest

Second round, try yang ada rope. Yang ni aku tak sampai ke atas. Dalam 2 meter (aku agak je) lagi nak sampai atas, tangan kanan dah gigil, letih dan kebas, kaki pulak tak leh nak push masuk dalam disk, aku cut mintak turun. Gedik nak try wall yang bukan untuk beginner, camnila jadinya.

selepas beberapa minit push kuderat yang ada

tengok nor berjaya touch sampai atas

Overall, memang new experience dan seronok. Since tak tahu dan bila lagi nak pergi pasni, camwhore siap-siap. Haha

Thanks to Nor dan rakan-rakan sebab ajak.(lupa nama)-nor-nurus-fahmi
takda dalam gambar : siyot (tengah jaga tali aku masa tu)

=)


EDIT (10/01/2010): Semalam pergi wall climbing lagi. Dan akhirnya berjaya sampai kat atas 3 kali. Eksaited! (beginner memang always excited -.-!)

rejuvenate

i deleted some of my emo-tak-tentu-hala posts.

i easily forget what people did to me. if the posts remain here, it would be my ringer and calling back my anger.
(oh it rhymes!)

sometime i wish i could remember the bad things people did to me.
so that, it would not happen again.
but
it is also a bless for me.
to live free from the past and be happy.

rejoice!


=)


Thank to Enche H for the dinner treat at Secret Recipe. Thanks a lot.

last weekend

Have fun shopping with edot, burn dan api kat OU. Seharian duk pusing2 nak penuhkan shopping list. Then, we watched midnight movie, Avatar 3D, tapi aku tidur. Bangun-bangun cerita dah habis.
Pastu jumpa 'cheat code' untuk dapat free parking kat OU. Api punya idea ah ni.

Esoknya, of kos ah bangun lambat sebab penat. Tapi kerja gila sekali lagi bila konon nak dinner tapi terlebih story dengan eda sampai ke pagi. Encik kedai makan dua kali mintak kami bayar tapi buat muka tebal mintak lagi makanan untuk supper dan kali kedua mintak breakfast.

Balik tu dah cerah, tapi tak feeling tido lagi, kemas rumah, mop lantai, buat tag yang ada 100 soalan tu baru ah rasa nak tido.

Puas hati!



*so sekarang, ada sape-sapa nak beli tiket aku tak? Flight on 27 January, QZ 7592. Bandung + Jakarta.

tagged by tasha ross almost a year ago.

a year ago. today baru perasan

biasanya gua layan bendalah tag ni bila dah bosang melampau-lampau.
takyah baca tape. takde pekdah. just for fun. =)

100 TRUTH

001. Real name : Nik N. Fatima Azzahra

002. Nickname(s) : Nik, Fatima & Kakak

003. Zodiac sign : Libra

004. Male or female : F

005. Elementary School : PASTI Kampung Buluh & Tadika Kemas Jalan Pusara

006. Primary School : SK KB

007. High School : SMK TAI & SMSD

008. Hair color : Black

009. Long or short : Long

010. Loud or Quiet : Both

011. Sweats or Jeans : Jeans

012. Phone or Camera : Both

013. Health freak : Nope

014. Drink or Smoke : Neither

015. Do you have a crush on someone : nobody

016. Eat or Drink : Drink

017. Piercings : Ears

018. Tattoos : none


HAVE YOU EVER?
019. Been in an airplane? : Yes

020. Been in a relationship? : Yes

021. Been in a car accident ? : No. Alhamdulillah

022. Been in a fist fight ? : No


FIRSTS:
023. First piercing : 3 years old

024. First best friend : Siti N Fatihah

025. First award : Excellent Award 1999

026. First crush : Lupa. Junior sekolah rendah.

028. First big vacation : Chiang Mai, Thailand


LASTS:
029. Last person you talked to : Edadotdot. 10 hours talkng non stop.

030. Last person you texted : Tya

031. Last person you watched a DVD with : Long ago. Lupa

032. Last food you ate : Half Boiled eggs

033. Last movie you watched : Avatar 3D with The Comrade

034. Last song you listened to : Kelly Clarkson - Already Gone

035. Last thing you bought : Yesterday, Nose Grey High Heels, Romp Orange Shirt, Nicole White T-shirt and Lois Straight Cut Jeans.

036. Last person you hugged : Umi & Abah.


FAVES:
037. Food : Nandos and Subway Chicken Teriyaki

038. Drinks : Coffee Bean's Caramel Ice-Blended, Milo kotak

039. Clothing : Jeans and t-shirt

040. Flower : Rose. Typical kan?

042. Colors : Blue. Baby Blue.

043. Movies : Romantic Comedy

044. Subjects : Physics and Teknologi Kejuruteraan.


In 2009, I....
045. [x] kissed someone
046. [ ] celebrated Halloween
047. [x] had your heart broken
048. [ ] went over the minutes/texts on your cell phone.
049. [] someone questioned your sexual orientation
050. [ ] came out of the closet
051. [ ] gotten pregnant
052. [ ] had an abortion
053. [x] done something you've regretted
054. [x] broke a promise
055. [x] hid a secret
056. [x] pretended to be happy
057. [x] met someone who changed your life
058. [ ] pretended to be sick
059. [ ] left the country
060. [x] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it.
061. [x] cried over the silliest thing
062. [x] ran a mile
063. [x] went to the beach with your best friend(s)
064. [x] got into an argument with your friends
065. [ ] hated someone
066. [ ] stayed single the whole year


CURRENTLY:
067. Eating : Gardenia Butterscotch

068. Drinking : Mineral water

069. I'm about to : sleep. tak tido semalam.

070. Listening to : Fergie - Meet Me Halfway

071. Plans for today : Sleep all day long. Esok kelas.

072. Waiting for : Him ='(

073. Want kids : Yes

074. Want to get married : Yes

075. Careers in mind : Mechanical Engineer with I.R


WHICH IS BETTER WITH A GUY/GIRL?
076. Lips or eyes : Eyes

077. Shorter or taller : Taller

078. Romantic or spontaneous : Both

079. Nice stomach or nice arms : Both

080. Sensitive or loud : Both

081. Hook-up or relationship : Relationship

082. Trouble-maker or hesitant : neither


HAVE YOU EVER:
083. Lost glasses/contacts : Yes.

084. Snuck out of your house : Yes

085. Held a gun/knife for self defense : Gun for shooting competition penah la.

086. Killed somebody : No

087. Broken someone's heart : Yes

088. Been arrested : No

089. Cried when someone died : Yes


DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
090. Yourself : Yes

091. Miracles : Definitely.

092. Love at first sight : Yes

093. Heaven : Definitely

094. Santa Claus : Nope

095. Sex on the first date :NO!

096. Kiss on the first date : NO!


TRUTHFULLY:
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now : Him

098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life : Alhamdulillah

099. Do you believe in God ? For sure

100. Post as 100 truths and tag 12 people :


-my sista
sebab aku tahu dia memang rajin buat benda alah macam ni.

bummer

depan orang, konon tak nak spoil, cover feeling
Tapi kalau dah sampai tempat-tempat yang mengimbau kenangan,
mana air mata nak simpan??


dah duduk sorang-sorang ni
semua berterabur keluar.

sigh..

aku tak tipu. aku rindu.

berat

Awak tahu saya sakit masa tu.

Kenapa awak tak pujuk saya lepas tu?

Kenapa awak? Saya tunggu awak.




="(

2010 new year eve.

I'm trying something new. The one that not seronok at all.
So that my 2010 would be the joy and happiness year


yes i did something new. Hang out with edadotdot at kopitiam on new years eve. Hanya kami berdua. Updating stories.
That was much more interesting. Sampai dah lupa jam. Sedar-sedar dah 12.30 am dan kedai dah nak tutup.

Then headed to fiften. Like good old days. Lamanya tak letak bontot kat situ. Updating stories lagi sampai 5 am. Pastu baru balik.

Enjoyed that moment. =)
It was hell seronok. Lama tak jumpa eda kot.


Until...










* ='(