Assalamualaikum & Bismillahirahmanirrahim

Sunday, January 31, 2016

The Journey : Prologue

The year was 2013. It was me getting married to the person I’ve known for 6 months and looking forward to build a family with him. I can see myself; holding our first baby.

2015 and not a sign of embryo in my womb. More than thirty times my body failed me.

I wasn’t sad, rather worried. I still remember seeing Dr Adilah of Hospital Pantai for the third time. It was in 2014. She was looking at my black and white HSG report.  It didn’t look good.

‘Suspected Adenomyosis and tubal blockage’

There. After two cycles of clomid with twice the dosage on the second time, she gave me a choice; Laparoscopy or IUI.

I cried on my way back. I remember back in 2010 I had a biopsy for fibroadenoma. Could it be from the same cause? 

Saturday, January 30, 2016

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year.

Macam bercakap dengan dinding masa type previous posts. Lama jugak private blog.

Throwback 2015.

Kerja- kerja-kerja-kerja
10 projects as Project/Job Manager and 5 more assisting my colleague with his projects.

Fuhhh.. penat Tuhan je tahu.
Driving alone all over Malaysia sampai keluar term "Kereta ku, Rumah ku". Mileage pun dah cecah lebih 100k! Tak sampai tiga tahun pun lagi.

Tapi of course la enjoy sebab memang minat . Betul la kata mat salleh;

amik siap google lagi image ni. Kah!

Ada one time tu aku pernah siapakan site job kat PD pukul 2 pagi pastu direct drive ke Gerik sebab ada kick-off project meeting and back on the same day just to find out kena pergi Pulau Tioman on the next day. Gile kau! Gagahkan lah jugak drive sorang-sorang ke Mersing. Balik Tioman terus demam. En Somi siap gelak n gelar Power Puff Girl. Katang sangat katenya. pfft!

Sebenarnya ni normal untuk most engineer kat ofis aku, Masing-masing kira macam one man show la. Sorang pegang few projects, start from tendering, study technical specs, project execution sampai la hand over project kat client. Most of the time, ofis kosong sbb engineer semua on site. Tapi bila masing-masing dah habis job, penuh sampai takde tempat nk duduk. Haha.

Dalam bonet kereta wajib ada:
 PPE (personal protective equipment..normal for most engineering worker). 
Jumper kereta : incase je sebab pernah batery weak masa outstation. 
Tak termasuk file-file project kat sebelah tu,
 emergency duffle bag dan toiletries (pergi kerja tetiba kena outstation on the spot) 
Iron n extension kalau kena duduk lama kat site.
PRINTER! sebab nak kena print report.
Barang-barang ni la duk hangkut seluruh Malaysia time job

2015 pun suami banyak outstation. Aku rasa dia lagi katang. Juggling between #2kerja, study and part time jadi ejen insurans. Dah la kerja dia pun kena selalu outstation, tapi dia more on site visit and meeting. Tak macam aku kena main minyak, pakai safety boots sampai lunyai, pastu tapak kasut jatuh kat tepi jeti Tioman. Semua orang nampak tapak safety boots aku jatuh dalam laut. T.T Pastu aku buat2 tak perasan cepat-cepat masuk dalam feri.

Tapi dalam bizi kerja, sempat jugak la jalan-jalan dengan family ke Kundasang dan honeymoon kat Krabi. Teringin nak pergi jauh-jauh, tapi dua-dua cuti limited sebab terikat dengan outstation. Hopefully hujung tahun ni dapat la cuti panjang sikit.

Hujung tahun 2015 pulak, aku dapat cuti sakit sebulan. Sampai mid on Jan 2016 yang lepas. Apelagi, qada' rest la. Haha. Tapi rest dalam kesakitan. Nanti next time aku cerita what happened. Even aku pun tak sangka and aku tak bgtahu orang lain pun selain bos dan family aku. Bos terpaksa tahu sebab aku nk kena handover kerja and ada poject tengah on-going. Tapi kalau duduk kat rumah or ofis lama2 boleh brain freeze. Rindu nk drive and kerja site. Banyak experiences that money can't buy. :') 

Btw kaklang is expecting. Can't wait for our first anak saudara. The majlis was so simple sebab dia nikah masa dia study dulu. So ikutkan sahaja kehendak dia n adik ipar, walaupun my mom insist nk jemput ramai orang. Hahaha. Takpelah, yang penting nikah, bukan majlis kenduri tu.

Overall 2015 adalah KERJA!

Alhamdulillah kewangan and family semakin stabil. I couldn't ask more. :)

Friday, January 15, 2016

2016 and death

3 of 366 (yeah, this year is the leap year)

I lost my only grand ma. I saw she's taking her last breath. I was there. Speechless.
When I hold her hand, I still feel the warmth. It felt surreal. She's gone with the presence of all her children. I can't recall the moment after that and suddenly, people were coming to our home. It just weird when people coming to your house to pay their last visit at 3 am.

I recited Yaasin beside her after Subuh prayer. Umi told me to get ready, we would be busy throughout the day as we're the host. At 7 am, my husband, sister, cousins and relatives from all over Malaysia arrived. The funeral preparation started since before Subuh. As we washed her body, it suddenly hit me, "this is the last time I can do deed to her". I gently washed her hand, I pray that Allah swt will be merciful to her like she did when she raised my mom. I keep praying and praying. Soon after her body on the white sheets, I could see her face as bright as the moon. AND I CRIED INSTANTLY!

May Allah swt bless her.

She was the state qari'ah during her young days. Got invited to the state palace by the Sultan (she and my late grandfather were descended from royalty as well, so they know each other), taught Quran all over the state and memorized surahs. It came to my mind, Allah swt is the Greatest, He showed to me the benefits of reciting the Quran right in front of me. Allahuakbar!

I said to her, "You look so so beautiful in your last dress", kissed all over her face and said my last good bye. It was really heart breaking and I felt like Mike Tyson was punching right on my chest.

I never thought that I will cry and missing her like this. Most of the time, my grandma was at our house. So i kind of took her for granted. But, I still remember, when I was soo heart broken, I cried in the middle of night and she heard me crying, she asked me why and calmed me down.

Once, I found my grandpa's pic whom I never meet (he died in 1978), I showed to her. She smiled and told how romantic my grandpa back then. She's the one who told me about our ancestry from four 'Raja' when others never interested with her story. It is never the so called keturunan Raja stories that I am proud of, it is how she remembers her asal-usul and at the same time still keep in touch with the relatives.

Now, I will never get to know more about our family anymore.

I.. miss her. :(

I miss her that I almost couldn't even post anything about her after she died. When I called my husband in KL, I can't even told him, I just said "Tok Chek.." and cried. 

Rest well Tok Chek and Tok Ku. :'(


Hajjah Nik Mah binti Said
1932 -  2016 (3 January 2016)

Haji Tuan Wil @ Ismail bin Tuan Mat
1929 - 1978

Update: My grandma's sister died on 21 January 2016. Al Fatihah.

Saturday, November 7, 2015

4 Years as an Engineer.

4 years.
Years ago, I started working in the manufacturing industry. But then, they decided to consolidate our plant to Bangkok. So I took the VSS (Volutary Separation Scheme), received the compensation money, bought my car, got married and saved the rest. Not regret at all. Hahaha.. Yang ni tak nak cerita panjang coz banyak dah kot cerita in the previous posts.

Few months before my separation date, I was interviewed by few oil and gas companies, including Technip and Alstom. But then, I got the offer from SK. Siapa tak nak kan? Esp me yang memang naaaaakkkk sangat kerja O&G plus SK is a big company. 

One week after I left the manufacturing company, I reported to the SK Kemaman Base as Maintenance Engineer. It was weird at first. When I was in manufacturing company, I was dealing with precision tools. My adjustable wrench was smaller than my palm, but when i was in the yard, I even found biggggg adjustable wrench that I can't even lift with my both hands. 

The funny part was, during my first month, I was bullied by my subordinates. They can't accept lady engineer! LOL.. soon after, we became a very close team. Masa tu, dua orang je engineer perempuan kat yard; Tiniey and me. Tiniey as E&I engineer and I, as mentioned earlier.

Of course the job was fun. But travelling and driving alone from Kemaman - KL - Kemaman for almost every weeks were the bitter one. I even cried on the way to Kemaman. Everytime! 

I don't have problem working under the scorching hot of Kemaman Yard. I don't even have problem with the boss and client yelling in front of my face or even smelled like an engine oil and burning smoke after working with the generator or having a rough hand. BUT, apparently, I have problem being far away from my husband for a long period of time. 

The worst part was, I was working from Saturday to Thursday! Not because I was tired, but because when I was home in KL, I only have few hours to meet my husband. 

That explains the ranting I had in the previous post.

End of 2013, I was transferred to the KL HQ. Alhamdulillah. Near to my husband. I was in charge of Kemaman and Labuan Yard (before this, it was for Kemaman Yard only). Walaupun kerja kat yard lagi exciting, but this job teaches me more on offshore operation. So I gain both experiences. One day boss told me that I need to take my BOSIET and fly to Labuan.. I was sooooo excited. Lagi la semangat nak study pasal offshore etc. 

However, semiggu lepas bos cakap kena pg ambik BOSIET, dapat offer from Malaysian biggest utility company  (tak boleh type the company name as the have the bot searching for this.. lol). Masa tu torn off nk pergi ke tak. Sbb current job best. Gaji n benefit pun lebih kurang sama. Tapiiii... I will enter the company as fresh grad sbb dieorang ada this one year development program for new exec., Semua kena join this program and considered as newbie. 

I ve waited for soo long to get this offer. Since 2012. 4 stages of interviews, siap ada 2 days 1 night camp lagi, takkan nk lepaskan pulak...walaupun dah agak tawar hati.

So i did this.... report duty kat the new company and not telling my current company at that time! 

It was a bold move. The reason was, I need to know what position dieorang offer. They just told me that I will be seconded to the subsidiary for I don't know how long. So, i want to know is it worth it to leave SK and etc.,...I took a week leave.

Alhamdulillah, dapat post yang aku minat.. and even better. Wrote the resign letter with short notice and paid the in lieu. Of course my boss agak frustrated. Siap suruh aku apply masuk balik if one day aku x minat dah kerja kat new comp. huhu..

Almost 2 years, finished my one year program, and working/travelling around Malaysia. I am grateful enough.

Working on the site (my dream) and still have the opportunity to spend time with my husband and family.

But of course, being an engineer, you have to admit that your time is limited. You have to sacrifice a lot of Teh Tarik session with your BFF. 

Nonetheless... I love my job. My ambition since I was 12. :)

Sunday, July 26, 2015

Of Instagram and Blog

It is necessary to blog?

Rasa macam dah tidak relevan untuk aku. Tapi aku suka blog sebab macam diary. In few years time, i can look back and know how much i had changed.

Now, aku suka update my life dalam IG, 

My IG is my journal, like..when did i start my job, what did i bought for my self-reward, where did i go/eat, my memories with my families and friends and other special occasions. I cannot blog that everyday and scroll down as easy as IG does. My IG is for future-me. Tp at the same time aku suka tulis caption panjang2. Nak blogging tapi kat blog payah nak upload gambar. T.T (dan takde emotikon)

Sebab tu, sekarang aku start tak approve people I don't really know kat IG. 
Kalau rasa down, i did scroll my old pics to remember the old memories. A good one. 

Well, different people have different reason. And mine, it is my picturesque journal. I wouldn't judge yours. If it is not interesting, i'll just unfollow, but doesn't mean that i don't like you IRL. :)

I don't know why I am explaining this. Well because this is my blog.