PRIVASI

The year was 2013. It was me getting married to the person I’ve known for 6 months and looking forward to build a family with him. I can see myself; holding our first baby. 2015 and not a sign of embryo in my womb. More than thirty times my body failed me. I wasn’t sad, rather worried. I still remember seeing Dr Adilah of Hospital Pantai for the third time. It was in 2014. She was looking at my black and white HSG report.  It didn’t look good. ‘Suspected Adenomyosis and tubal blockage’ There. After two cycles of clomid with twice the dosage on the second time, she gave me a choice; Laparoscopy or IUI. I cried on my way back. I remember back in 2010 I had a biopsy for fibroadenoma . Could it be from the same cause? 

Happy New Year. Macam bercakap dengan dinding masa type previous posts. Lama jugak private blog. Throwback 2015. Kerja- kerja-kerja-kerja 10 projects as Project/Job Manager and 5 more assisting my colleague with his projects. Fuhhh.. penat Tuhan je tahu. Driving alone all over Malaysia sampai keluar term "Kereta ku, Rumah ku". Mileage pun dah cecah lebih 100k! Tak sampai tiga tahun pun lagi. Tapi of course la enjoy sebab memang minat . Betul la kata mat salleh; amik siap google lagi image ni. Kah! Ada one time tu aku pernah siapakan site job kat PD pukul 2 pagi pastu direct drive ke Gerik sebab ada kick-off project meeting and back on the same day just to find out kena pergi Pulau Tioman on the next day. Gile kau! Gagahkan lah jugak drive sorang-sorang ke Mersing. Balik Tioman terus demam. En Somi siap gelak n gelar Power Puff Girl. Katang sangat katenya. pfft! Sebenarnya ni normal untuk most engineer kat ofis aku, Masing-masing kira m...

3 of 366 (yeah, this year is the leap year) I lost my only grand ma. I saw she's taking her last breath. I was there. Speechless. When I hold her hand, I still feel the warmth. It felt surreal. She's gone with the presence of all her children. I can't recall the moment after that and suddenly, people were coming to our home. It just weird when people coming to your house to pay their last visit at 3 am. I recited Yaasin beside her after Subuh prayer. Umi told me to get ready, we would be busy throughout the day as we're the host. At 7 am, my husband, sister, cousins and relatives from all over Malaysia arrived. The funeral preparation started since before Subuh. As we washed her body, it suddenly hit me, "this is the last time I can do deed to her". I gently washed her hand, I pray that Allah swt will be merciful to her like she did when she raised my mom. I keep praying and praying. Soon after her body on the white sheets, I could see her face ...