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Friday, January 15, 2016

2016 and death

3 of 366 (yeah, this year is the leap year)

I lost my only grand ma. I saw she's taking her last breath. I was there. Speechless.
When I hold her hand, I still feel the warmth. It felt surreal. She's gone with the presence of all her children. I can't recall the moment after that and suddenly, people were coming to our home. It just weird when people coming to your house to pay their last visit at 3 am.

I recited Yaasin beside her after Subuh prayer. Umi told me to get ready, we would be busy throughout the day as we're the host. At 7 am, my husband, sister, cousins and relatives from all over Malaysia arrived. The funeral preparation started since before Subuh. As we washed her body, it suddenly hit me, "this is the last time I can do deed to her". I gently washed her hand, I pray that Allah swt will be merciful to her like she did when she raised my mom. I keep praying and praying. Soon after her body on the white sheets, I could see her face as bright as the moon. AND I CRIED INSTANTLY!

May Allah swt bless her.

She was the state qari'ah during her young days. Got invited to the state palace by the Sultan (she and my late grandfather were descended from royalty as well, so they know each other), taught Quran all over the state and memorized surahs. It came to my mind, Allah swt is the Greatest, He showed to me the benefits of reciting the Quran right in front of me. Allahuakbar!

I said to her, "You look so so beautiful in your last dress", kissed all over her face and said my last good bye. It was really heart breaking and I felt like Mike Tyson was punching right on my chest.

I never thought that I will cry and missing her like this. Most of the time, my grandma was at our house. So i kind of took her for granted. But, I still remember, when I was soo heart broken, I cried in the middle of night and she heard me crying, she asked me why and calmed me down.

Once, I found my grandpa's pic whom I never meet (he died in 1978), I showed to her. She smiled and told how romantic my grandpa back then. She's the one who told me about our ancestry from four 'Raja' when others never interested with her story. It is never the so called keturunan Raja stories that I am proud of, it is how she remembers her asal-usul and at the same time still keep in touch with the relatives.

Now, I will never get to know more about our family anymore.

I.. miss her. :(

I miss her that I almost couldn't even post anything about her after she died. When I called my husband in KL, I can't even told him, I just said "Tok Chek.." and cried. 

Rest well Tok Chek and Tok Ku. :'(


Hajjah Nik Mah binti Said
1932 -  2016 (3 January 2016)

Haji Tuan Wil @ Ismail bin Tuan Mat
1929 - 1978

Update: My grandma's sister died on 21 January 2016. Al Fatihah.

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